The secret to great relationships is give and take. It’s important to realize that neither giving nor taking too much is healthy for a relationship.
When the balance of give and take is disrupted, it can lead to distress or emotional exhaustion. This article will discuss three levels of this disruption: withdrawal from recipients, deterioration of the relationship, and lack of reciprocity.
The Giver’s Needs
The Giver is a complicated character. He is a noble and thoughtful person with good intentions. However, he is also burdened with the pain of his own past and desires to spare others. He carries the weight of his community and wants to help Jonas and Rosemary.
As a result, he does not share his emotions with others and spends most of his time alone in the annex, eating and taking walks. He has heard the hopes, dreams, and fears of millions of people. He has felt the triumphs and failures of their lives and preserves these memories in order to make decisions for his community.
Despite his need for solitude, the Committee of Elders occasionally seeks The Giver’s advice. He warns them about the consequences of increasing population and reminds them of times when the community was overcrowded and there were not enough resources to feed everyone. The Giver does not want to see a return of this situation.
The Taker’s Needs
Many people — especially in relationships — fall into one of three reciprocity styles, according to organizational psychology wunderkind and Wharton professor Adam Grant. Givers give more than they take, takers savor every bit of attention and resources they receive, and matchers give and take in some imprecise proportion.
In healthy relationships, both partners offer and receive the same amount of love and support. But some individuals can skew this balance to their advantage. Grant calls them “takers” and compares them to narcissists in their desire for all attention to be focused on them.
Takers will work tirelessly to please their mates, but they will rarely be recognized for it. This skewed dynamic can cause frustration for both parties and lead to a breakup. But some takers eventually realize the short-sightedness of this approach and begin to become sharers. This is a positive step, though they will still need to learn to give with intention and not out of resentment or entitlement.
The Giver’s Expectations
The Giver is a very patient, quiet and deliberate person who understands the value of change. He has felt the emotions, desires and failures of millions of people so that his community doesn’t have to. He is the Christ figure in this community.
He wants to see Jonas and the community experience colors, feelings, music and acts of heroism. He knows that there’s a world out there that the committee of elders doesn’t want them to know about.
In a healthy relationship, both partners have to give and take equally. Giving is kind only up to a point and can become more about pleasing, guilt, acceptance or other deeper issues. If one person gives all the time, the other will eventually grow tired of it or they’ll get their own needs met in another way. That’s not a balanced relationship. It’s a toxic one. Both parties are not happy with the situation and it will only cause more problems.
The Taker’s Response
Obviously, neither extreme of giving nor taking is healthy. It’s a balance that everyone needs to find. The key is to know yourself and your partner. Adam Grant, Wharton professor and author of Give and Take, says people can be grouped into three categories based on their preferences for reciprocity: matchers, givers and takers.
The takers, as the name suggests, prefer to get everything they can while contributing little in return. They often believe the world revolves around them and feel entitled to whatever they want. They can become very preoccupied with their own lives and worries so they can miss the gifts of love, attention and kindness their partners provide.
Takers can be draining and their lack of contribution to the relationship can lead to resentments. If left unchecked, resentments can create distance and anger. They can also damage a person’s self-esteem. If this happens to a couple, they may decide to break up.what is the balance of give-and-take relationships
